"One Step Closer to Knowing..."

I think that I am getting over my cold. Though quite horrible at times, I think that this cold is cycling quite quickly. I've even had the energy to do some cleaning/sorting/tidying up this morning. Unfortunately, the time seems to be flying by and soon, I have to go pick up Autumn from school. I have not accomplished the things that I wanted to.

Though I did find the time to download Vertigo. I've listened to it almost a dozen times I'm sure. I have to in order to get it into my head. I almost never love a song the first time around. So I make sure that I give a really good listen to get familiar. I think it's because I have high expectations. I'm not sure what I'm expecting, but I'm guess it's something rather unearthly, something supernatural. I suspect it's because that's how the other songs make me feel. I'm looking for that high again in a new song. It looks like I lied - I did know what I was expecting!

Now on to the rest of my life!

I don't know if you know this or not, but I'm blessed. Sometimes I think about my life and it's so incredible. Love, love, love, encouragement, support, honesty, truth, friendship, care and the list goes on. See? I am blessed. You probably are too. Unfortunately there are people out there who don't have those blessings. Those are God-blessings. Riches. Abundant life. And I have it! Okay, give me a moment. LOL. Revelation. Can you hear the angels singing? (Aaaaaawwwwwww! With light streaming in, creating a halo around my head!!! LOL) I feel really full of the Spirit right now. Crazy. I'm blogging and He comes and shares a moment with me. I feel floaty, delirious. (It's not that I'm due for lunch, though I am!) I feel full of God right now. He's so nice of Him to let me feel Him like this :) right here in my messy house, by myself. I was going to say that I wasn't even worshiping Him, the reality is that I was.

I still find myself breaking the moulds, re-evaluating my perceptions. One of the great things I'm learning about my relationship with God is that I hear Him in songs. Not Christian songs. Secular songs. Written by Heathens! I hear God. I hear Him for myself and I hear Him for others. It's something that I, at times, embrace and, at other times, diminish because it's too simple, too easy. Apparently, God talks to each of us in the language we can understand.

It's giving to other people the songs that I hear God speaking through, that I am working on right now. For instance, I have a song for our pastor right now and I am somewhat unsure of how to give it to him. Church is a rather difficult place to give your pastor a song off of a DVD. But it keeps coming up in my heart and mind, so I think that I'm supposed to. Ah, the journey!

I wish that I could share with people how music makes me feel. I love it. I love that feeling. Sharing always makes good things better. I'd hand out my music-evoked, chest-tightening, God-nearing feelings like rich dark chocolates and expensive red wine to all of my friends.

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Derek screwed up. They released Vertigo yesterday. I haven't been able to track it down yet.

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I'm thinking that I'm just enough of a die-hard U2 fan to get up at 6 am tomorrow morning and listen to their new release, Vertigo from their new album, How Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, which is due out in November.

Six is only a half an hour or so earlier than I normally have to get up, so it's not like I'm being weird about it or anything. Just in case you were wondering!



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So... Where does the time go? The weekend started and then, poof!, just like that, it was over and Ken was kissing me goodbye this morning. He hadn't even left the house yet and I called out, "I miss you already!!" *sigh*

Autumn gets a day off (already) from school, which worked out well - I was able to sleep in (8 am is sleeping in now? Am I insane?). I have a wee bit of a cold. Agrh! I went to sleep at 10 last night, you'd think that I'd feel rested, but you know the cold-routine.

I think that Autumn needed a long weekend already. She's not adjusting to grade one as easily as she or I thought she would. She finds the days longer than expected and she's realizing that there are a lot more rules to adhere to. More stucture and more expectations to live up to than kindergarten, it's a bit of a shock to my little perfectionist. One thing worked out for her this year: she got to be in the same class as her friend, Christopher. She absolutely loved him in kindergarten, but then, at the beginning of this school year, it seems that he didn't realize that she existed anymore. She tried to talk to him a couple of times during the first few days, to no avail. However, when they were put in the same class things between them seemed to go back to normal. Having Christopher in her class seems to overshadow the fact that almost every other girl from kindergarten ended up in the other class. With the expection of one girl, she has to make all new girl friends. She doesn't seem to mind or notice. Oh well, if she doesn't mind, I don't mind.

One of the fist exercises that her class had to do was to write the sentance, "I like _____." and draw a coinciding picture. She wrote Christopher. As she did many times last year! I wonder what her teacher thought of that. I asked her what the other kids wrote. She said, hamsters, rainbows, etc. Ha ha ha, Oh my!







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Proud new mommy... She's going to be great! 
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My friends, Claude and Sylvette, had their baby! His name is Cooper. Isn't he adorable? 
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Frog. Dont' ask me why. Cause I'll tell you anyway. I just need to get into some creativity. I thought that if I just sat down and wrote whatever came into my brain it might trigger some sort of creative experience. I'm going through a really dry spell right now. Actually, it seems like it has been going for months and months now. Every few weeks I become acutely aware that I have not written a song. Right now this is aggravated by the band practices that we have been having. We are 'working on songs' which means writing songs, which isn't happening for me and hasn't for a few months, as I mentioned earlier. On the inside, I'm freakin' out. I think partially it's because I've been around fluent songwriters who can just whip out a song any time they please without much thought or effort... At least that's how they've made it seem. I'm freakin' out. What if I never write another song in my life? There goes my dream of being a singer/songwriter out the window. Not to mention the whole being in a band and being the lead singer! Aaaaaahhhhh! I try to tell the guys how hard it is to write in a band setting. They just tell me that there is no pressure. But there is pressure. It's in my core. It feels like my inside are being stretched and torn apart, like mozzarella cheese when it's melted on pizza on the commercials and then a hand takes a piece. My inside are like stringy, stretched out cheese. I'm being pulled apart. My hope is that it's a "growing process" and it's just something that I need to learn as an artist. I hope. If not, I'm just coming unglued - that's all... no big deal. It only hurts in a weird sort of way. So oh yeah... I was trying to be creative...
Frog. Green. Living in a tree. The canopy of the forest with the soft sunlight shining through. The drops of water falling from the leaves and needles, left-overs from last night's rain. The forest floor, soft and damp beneath my feet. My shoes matching the colour of the decaying earthen floor. The smell of ferns and rot, earthly and rich in my nostrils.
I tiptoe down the path towards the bridge, not wanting to disturb the quiet, while tiny purple blossoms poke their heads out of the edge of the grass to peer at the intruder as I walk by. The planks of the bridge are a wee bit slippery still from last night's shower as I lean my body to peer over the railing into the water below. My reflection stares back at me blankly until a skitish water bug skims over the surface, distorting the image. It's peaceful here in the forest with the silent tree frog, the tiny purple flowers, the warm earthy smells and the watergirl.

There that relieved some of my built up creative tension. (But it's still not a song!!! :)

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I love this picture of Autumn and I. 
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Today we head off to school for the first time in months. It's exciting, yet at the same time it means that the summer is over and summer being over is never a good thing in my books. So it is with some sadness that I look into the upcoming months. I know that I will be drizzled on countless times as I walk to the gym or to pick up my daughter, ever-changing and growing. Of course I am being over-dramatic. I have many new experiences to look forward to as well. (See Tuesday's post from last week. Or was it two weeks ago?)

This weekend was so nice. Ken, Autumn and I had four full days to spend together. What familial bliss! We shopped and ate out and swam (well, only Autumn... it was too cold) and baked cookies and had friends over for dinner and went to church and ate out some more. I guess it was our mini-holiday before school starts and life gets a little more structured.

With that, I bid you adieu.
(I hope that means good-bye or something of the sort and isn't a curse! LOL)
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The Sims have invaded our house once again. Most of us are thouroughly hooked... again. I once again think in terms of small red and green graphs regarding my feelings, degree of hunger and whether or not I have to relieve my bladder or take a shower. (I won't mention that little plus or minus sign that accompanies every conversation had by a Sim.)


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